If you want it badly enough, you’ll get it.
If you haven’t gotten it yet, then you clearly don’t want it enough.
At least, this is what motivational gurus claim.
So there you are, sitting there deeply wanting something in your life, but since you haven’t gotten it yet, you feel ashamed or inadequate because you just don’t want it enough.
You are the problem. Because you don’t want it enough. So you don’t deserve it.
This is complete bullshit.
I know plenty of people who deeply want a better life or to reach their potential.
- They want to be a professional content creator.
- They want to be a black belt in BJJ.
- They want to be physically fit.
But despite how much they want it, despite how much time they spend daydreaming about it, they don’t achieve it.
Why?
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The Missing Piece
Because they’re missing a vital piece to achieve success: Willingness.
You may want to be a professional writer, YouTuber, or podcaster.
But are you willing to do what’s necessary to succeed like:
- Face the Four Horsemen of Fear that cause self-doubt
- Give up your nights and weekends to practice your skills
- Embrace the reality you’ll be grinding in obscurity for months before seeing any traction
Because that’s what’s required to succeed as a professional content creator beyond just wanting to be one.
You may want to be a black belt.
But are you willing to do what’s necessary to succeed like:
- Spend your first 6 months thoroughly getting your ass handed to you every day by people half your size
- Spend another 9 1/2 years (on average) grinding it out, conquering your ego, studying and drilling the same move hundreds or thousands of times
- Accept that, no matter how safely you train, you will 100% get injured at some point, then learn how to train around those injuries and push through soreness that will be your constant companion for the rest of your life
Because that’s what’s required to succeed if you want to stay in BJJ long enough to get to black belt.
You may want to be physically fit.
But are you willing to do what’s necessary to succeed like:
- Research and experiment to find a nutrition and exercise plan that works for you
- Develop the discipline to stick to your nutrition and exercise plan, especially when you feel emotional, lazy, or celebratory (all times when you’re more likely to abandon discipline)
- Give up, or significantly reduce, “fun” activities like drinking, Netflix binges, or daily takeout
Because that’s what’s typically required to succeed at getting physically fit.
But here’s, hopefully, an insight that will give you a sense of relief: You’re allowed to want something, but accept you’re unwilling to do what’s necessary to achieve it.
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Permission and Acceptance
There’s nothing wrong with accepting the fact you can want something, but are unwilling to do what’s necessary to achieve it.
This permission can set you free.
For example, I want to be a rockstar because, well, who doesn’t?
But I’m unwilling to do what’s necessary to succeed as a rockstar like:
- Spending 10+ years learning an instrument
- Spending tons of time on the road and away from family
- Gigging, making virtually no money, and staying out super late
So I’ve accepted the fact that even though I want to be a rockstar, I’m unwilling to do what’s necessary to achieve success in this domain.
And since I’ve accepted this, I don’t feel any sense of shame, inadequacy, or existential angst around it.
Because it’s not a real goal. It’s a pleasant daydream. A passing thought.
Not a trigger for self-loathing.
But this realization also allows me to focus on what matters—the things I want and am willing to work toward.
I’m willing to do what’s necessary to be a professional content creator, a black belt (I’m currently 10 years in and a brown belt, so one belt below black), and a few other things I’ll talk about in the future.
•••
The Power of Willingness
Willingness also helps you embrace an iterative approach to achieving success.
Because it’s ok if you don’t currently have what you need to succeed, as long as you’re willing to do what’s necessary to figure it out.
- It’s not about knowing how to do it, it’s about being willing to learn how to do it.
- It’s not about having the discipline to do it, it’s about being willing to develop the discipline to do it.
- It’s not about being fearless, it’s about being willing to develop the tools to push past fear, insecurity, and self-doubt.
This is the power of a willingness to succeed.
•••
Final Thoughts
I hope this has inspired you to reevaluate your goals and aspirations. To accept the things you want but are unwilling to achieve, so you stop feeling ashamed you haven’t achieve them yet. And to pursue the things you want and are willing to achieve.
So you can focus your efforts on doing instead of daydreaming.
Because it’s not about wanting.
It’s about being willing.
So what are you willing to do to succeed?
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Bonus Exercise
Try this out:
- Get out a journal or piece of paper.
- Draw 3 columns
- Label them “Want,” “Willing,” and “Accept”
- Write down everything you want in “Want”
- Go through and ask yourself if you’re willing to do what’s necessary to achieve success for each thing you claim to want
- If you’re willing, add that to “Willing”
- If you’re unwilling, add that to “Accept”
Now you know what to focus on (everything in the “Willing” column) and what to give yourself permission to stop shaming yourself that you haven’t achieved it yet and move on (everything in “Accept”).
In my example, in case you can’t read my handwriting, I put writer, black belt, and fit into the “Willing” column and put rockstar in the “Accept” column.
