{"id":235320,"date":"2023-11-12T17:19:06","date_gmt":"2023-11-12T22:19:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/?p=235320"},"modified":"2023-12-18T11:47:06","modified_gmt":"2023-12-18T16:47:06","slug":"how-to-stop-making-excuses-and-start-making-changes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/how-to-stop-making-excuses-and-start-making-changes\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Stop Making Excuses and Start Making Changes"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"bsf_rt_marker\"><\/div>\n<p>You can make excuses, or you can make changes\u2014but you can\u2019t do both.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Most of us claim we want something, but all we do is make excuses about all the reasons we haven\u2019t gotten it yet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But it&#8217;s not our fault.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>See, humans have 3 psychological traits that create this issue:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li>We\u2019re designed to find problems (and if we can\u2019t find any, we create them).<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>We\u2019re what psychologists call <em>cognitive misers<\/em>\u2014meaning we\u2019re mentally lazy and don\u2019t want to put in much effort.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>We\u2019re naturally fearful and avoidant of unfamiliar things.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>These traits have helped us survive as a species in the past, but are the root of many of our problems today\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Combined, these traits mean we\u2019re great at finding and avoiding problems\u2014not solving them.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Yes, we\u2019re decent at problem-solving, but finding solutions takes dedicated effort. Finding problems comes naturally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Which is why it\u2019s so easy for us to fall into the trap of becoming great at finding every single problem (aka, excuse) keeping us from achieving the thing we claim to want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re ready to stop making excuses and start making changes, here\u2019s a cognitive restructuring technique to help you switch from being problem-focused to solution-focused\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Turn \u201cbut\u201d into \u201cso.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here\u2019s what I mean\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">\u2022\u2022\u2022<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">But is a Problem<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Most people follow this formula:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1600\" height=\"900\" src=\"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-excuse-1.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-235321\" srcset=\"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-excuse-1.png 1600w, https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-excuse-1-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-excuse-1-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-excuse-1-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-excuse-1-1536x864.png 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1600px) 100vw, 1600px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>For example:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI want to start a newsletter, but I don\u2019t know what to write about.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"1600\" height=\"900\" src=\"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-excuse-2.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-235322\" srcset=\"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-excuse-2.png 1600w, https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-excuse-2-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-excuse-2-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-excuse-2-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-excuse-2-1536x864.png 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1600px) 100vw, 1600px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>When you focus on the problem, all you can see is the problem. And the more you practice finding problems, the better you get at finding problems, and the more problems you find.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Before you know it, you\u2019re overwhelmed with how many problems there are keeping you from your desired goal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You feel like you\u2019re drowning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So what do you do?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You cry for help, desperately hoping someone can throw a life preserver your way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But what happens?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Even when someone does try to help you by offering solutions\u2014you&#8217;re so focused on <em>finding <\/em>problems, that all you can <em>see <\/em>are the problems with their solutions.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYou can write about this!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cNo, that\u2019s too derivative.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYou can read stuff and put your own spin on it!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cNo, I\u2019m too burnt out to read.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYou can just write a little bit each day!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cNo, I\u2019m too busy.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>You get caught up doing what psychologists call <em>help-rejecting<\/em><\/strong>\u2014where you literally ask for help, but turn around and reject it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But it\u2019s not your fault. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Your brain has hijacked your perception<\/strong>\u2014all you can see are problems <em>because all it will let you see are problems.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Of course you\u2019re making excuses all day every day<\/strong>\u2014you\u2019ve become enslaved by your brain\u2019s skewed perception of reality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But there\u2019s a way for you to take back control of your brain and your perception\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Turn that \u201cbut\u201d into a \u201cso.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">\u2022\u2022\u2022<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">So is a Solution<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Here\u2019s a new formula to try out:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"1600\" height=\"900\" src=\"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-change-1.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-235323\" srcset=\"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-change-1.png 1600w, https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-change-1-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-change-1-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-change-1-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-change-1-1536x864.png 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1600px) 100vw, 1600px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Let\u2019s use the example from earlier where you want to write a newsletter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here\u2019s how we can restructure it:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1600\" height=\"900\" src=\"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-change-2.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-235324\" srcset=\"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-change-2.png 1600w, https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-change-2-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-change-2-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-change-2-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/desire-change-2-1536x864.png 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1600px) 100vw, 1600px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Because when you state a desire and say, \u201cso,\u201d you\u2019re priming your mind to find a solution to finish the sentence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI want this thing, so\u2026\u201d naturally steers your mind toward finding a way to make it happen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Now, because you\u2019re not <em>looking <\/em>for a problem, you don\u2019t <em>find <\/em>a problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>You\u2019re no longer standing at the base of the mountain looking up at how hard the climb looks\u2014you\u2019re standing at the bottom actively trying to figure out how to make it happen.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Your brain naturally finds problems, yes\u2014but it\u2019s incredibly powerful at finding solutions if you put in a little effort and give it some direction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This shift can apply anytime you want to stop making excuses and start making changes:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li>\u201cI want to start a YouTube channel, but I don\u2019t know where to start.\u201d \u2014> \u201cI want to start a YouTube channel, <strong>so I need to figure out the easiest way to get started.<\/strong>\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cI want to get in shape, but I don\u2019t know anything about dieting.\u201d \u2014> \u201cI want to get in shape, <strong>so I need to learn about nutrition and exercise.<\/strong>\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cI want to read more, but I\u2019m too busy.\u201d \u2014> \u201cI want to read more, <strong>so I need to find a way to incorporate reading time into my busy schedule.<\/strong>\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cI want to build a digital product, but I don\u2019t know what people would buy.\u201d \u2014> \u201cI want to build a digital product, <strong>so I need to figure out what my audience wants.<\/strong>\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cI want to [do a thing], <strong>so I need to [figure out how to do the thing.]<\/strong>\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Whatever you want to do, there\u2019s a plan you can come up with to make it happen\u2014you just have to practice learning to find solutions instead of problems.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">\u2022\u2022\u2022<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Final Thoughts<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cBut\u201d tells your mind to find a problem\u2014a way to <em>avoid <\/em>your desire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cSo\u201d tells your mind to find a solution\u2014a way to <em>achieve <\/em>your desire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s a simple but powerful way to shift your perception.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>This is the number one psychological trait I\u2019ve seen every single successful person have.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s not that they\u2019re super smart, disciplined, wealthy, or whatever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s just that they focus on <em>figuring shit the fuck out.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Problems are everywhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But so are solutions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You just have to learn how to see them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If your default perception is skewed toward finding problems, try to switch from saying \u201cbut,\u201d to \u201cso,\u201d and see how quickly you stop making excuses and start making changes\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-text-color has-background has-black-background-color has-black-color is-style-wide\"\/>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Here&#8217;s a simple psychology exercise to help you stop making excuses and start making changes&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":235349,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","ub_ctt_via":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"disabled","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"set","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center 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a simple psychology exercise to help you stop making excuses and start making 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