{"id":234464,"date":"2023-07-30T15:13:31","date_gmt":"2023-07-30T19:13:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/?p=234464"},"modified":"2024-02-27T13:49:03","modified_gmt":"2024-02-27T18:49:03","slug":"why-wanting-isnt-enough","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/why-wanting-isnt-enough\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Wanting Isn&#8217;t Enough"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"bsf_rt_marker\"><\/div>\n<p><em>If you want it badly enough, you\u2019ll get it.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>If you haven\u2019t gotten it yet, then you clearly don\u2019t want it enough.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>At least, this is what motivational gurus claim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So there you are, sitting there deeply wanting something in your life, but since you haven\u2019t gotten it yet, you feel ashamed or inadequate because you just <em>don\u2019t want it enough<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>You <\/em>are the problem. Because <em>you<\/em> don\u2019t want it enough. So <em>you <\/em>don\u2019t deserve it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>This is complete bullshit.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I know plenty of people who deeply want a better life or to reach their potential.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li>They want to be a professional content creator.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>They want to be a black belt in BJJ.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>They want to be physically fit.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>But despite how much they want it, despite how much time they spend daydreaming about it, they don\u2019t achieve it.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">\u2022\u2022\u2022<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The Missing Piece<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Because they\u2019re missing a vital piece to achieve success: Willingness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">You may <em>want <\/em>to be a professional writer, YouTuber, or podcaster. <\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>But are you <em>willing <\/em>to do what\u2019s necessary to succeed like:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li>Face the <a href=\"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/the-four-horsemen-of-fear\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Four Horsemen of Fear<\/a> that cause self-doubt<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Give up your nights and weekends to practice your skills<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Embrace the reality you\u2019ll be grinding in obscurity for months before seeing any traction<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Because that\u2019s what\u2019s required to succeed as a professional content creator beyond just <em>wanting <\/em>to be one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">You may <em>want <\/em>to be a black belt. <\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>But are you <em>willing <\/em>to do what\u2019s necessary to succeed like:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li>Spend your first 6 months thoroughly getting your ass handed to you every day by people half your size<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Spend another 9 1\/2 years (on average) grinding it out, conquering your ego, studying and drilling the same move hundreds or thousands of times<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Accept that, no matter how safely you train, you will 100% get injured at some point, then learn how to train around those injuries and push through soreness that will be your constant companion for the rest of your life<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Because that\u2019s what\u2019s required to succeed if you want to stay in BJJ long enough to get to black belt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">You may <em>want <\/em>to be physically fit.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>But are you <em>willing <\/em>to do what\u2019s necessary to succeed like:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li>Research and experiment to find a nutrition and exercise plan that works for you<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Develop the discipline to stick to your nutrition and exercise plan, especially when you feel emotional, lazy, or celebratory (all times when you\u2019re more likely to abandon discipline)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Give up, or significantly reduce, \u201cfun\u201d activities like drinking, Netflix binges, or daily takeout<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Because that\u2019s what\u2019s typically required to succeed at getting physically fit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>But here\u2019s, hopefully, an insight that will give you a sense of relief:<\/strong> You\u2019re allowed to want something, but accept you\u2019re unwilling to do what\u2019s necessary to achieve it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">\u2022\u2022\u2022<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Permission and Acceptance<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>There\u2019s nothing wrong with accepting the fact you can want something, but are unwilling to do what\u2019s necessary to achieve it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>This permission can set you free.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, I want to be a rockstar because, well, who doesn\u2019t?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But I\u2019m unwilling to do what\u2019s necessary to succeed as a rockstar like:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li>Spending 10+ years learning an instrument<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Spending tons of time on the road and away from family<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Gigging, making virtually no money, and staying out super late<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>So I\u2019ve accepted the fact that even though I <em>want <\/em>to be a rockstar, I\u2019m <em>unwilling <\/em>to do what\u2019s necessary to achieve success in this domain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And since I\u2019ve accepted this, I don\u2019t feel any sense of shame, inadequacy, or <a href=\"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/a-remedy-for-the-existential-angst-of-being-a-creator\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">existential angst<\/a> around it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Because it\u2019s not a real goal. It\u2019s a pleasant daydream. A passing thought. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Not a trigger for self-loathing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>But this realization also allows me to focus on what matters\u2014the things I want and am willing to work toward.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m willing to do what\u2019s necessary to be a professional content creator, a black belt (I\u2019m currently 10 years in and <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/CoreyWilksPsyD\/status\/1578829883681435648\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">a brown belt<\/a>, so one belt below black), and a few other things I\u2019ll talk about in the future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">\u2022\u2022\u2022<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The Power of Willingness<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Willingness also helps you embrace an iterative approach to achieving success.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Because it\u2019s ok if you don\u2019t currently have what you need to succeed, as long as you\u2019re <em>willing <\/em>to do what\u2019s necessary to figure it out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li>It\u2019s not about knowing how to do it, it\u2019s about being <em>willing <\/em>to learn how to do it.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>It\u2019s not about having the discipline to do it, it\u2019s about being <em>willing <\/em>to develop the discipline to do it.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>It\u2019s not about being fearless, it\u2019s about being <em>willing <\/em>to <a href=\"https:\/\/creatoralchemy.coreywilkspsyd.com\/intentional-life-design-course\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">develop the tools to push past fear, insecurity, and self-doubt<\/a>.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>This is the power of a willingness to succeed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">\u2022\u2022\u2022<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Final Thoughts<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I hope this has inspired you to reevaluate your goals and aspirations. To accept the things you want but are unwilling to achieve, so you stop feeling ashamed you haven\u2019t achieve them yet. And to pursue the things you want <em>and <\/em>are willing to achieve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>So you can focus your efforts on doing instead of daydreaming.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Because it\u2019s not about wanting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s about being willing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So what are you <em>willing <\/em>to do to succeed?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">\u2022\u2022\u2022<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Bonus Exercise<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Try this out:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol>\n<li>Get out a journal or piece of paper.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Draw 3 columns<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Label them &#8220;Want,&#8221; &#8220;Willing,&#8221; and &#8220;Accept&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Write down everything you want in &#8220;Want&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Go through and ask yourself if you&#8217;re willing to do what&#8217;s necessary to achieve success for each thing you claim to want<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>If you&#8217;re willing, add that to &#8220;Willing&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>If you&#8217;re unwilling, add that to &#8220;Accept&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>Now you know what to focus on (everything in the &#8220;Willing&#8221; column) and what to give yourself permission to stop shaming yourself that you haven&#8217;t achieved it yet and move on (everything in &#8220;Accept&#8221;).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In my example, in case you can&#8217;t read my handwriting, I put writer, black belt, and fit into the &#8220;Willing&#8221; column and put rockstar in the &#8220;Accept&#8221; column.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/embed.filekitcdn.com\/e\/9NB4uH8kb5Qwvg41kW14FE\/nL2smKobvqG1apizeMWwRC\/email\" alt=\"\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-text-color has-background has-black-background-color has-black-color is-style-wide\"\/>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you want it badly enough, you&#8217;ll get it. Right? Wrong. Here&#8217;s the truth about why wanting isn&#8217;t enough&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":234923,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","ub_ctt_via":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"disabled","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"set","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,57],"tags":[],"featured_image_src":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/why-wanting-isnt-enough.png","author_info":{"display_name":"Corey","author_link":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/author\/corey\/"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/why-wanting-isnt-enough.png",1600,900,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/why-wanting-isnt-enough-150x150.png",150,150,true],"medium":["https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/why-wanting-isnt-enough-300x169.png",300,169,true],"medium_large":["https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/why-wanting-isnt-enough-768x432.png",768,432,true],"large":["https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/why-wanting-isnt-enough-1024x576.png",1024,576,true],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/why-wanting-isnt-enough-1536x864.png",1536,864,true],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/why-wanting-isnt-enough.png",1600,900,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Corey","author_link":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/author\/corey\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"If you want it badly enough, you'll get it. Right? Wrong. Here's the truth about why wanting isn't enough...","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/234464"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=234464"}],"version-history":[{"count":25,"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/234464\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":236192,"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/234464\/revisions\/236192"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/234923"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=234464"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=234464"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=234464"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}