{"id":230554,"date":"2020-12-19T15:34:00","date_gmt":"2020-12-19T20:34:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/?p=230554"},"modified":"2022-07-15T22:34:29","modified_gmt":"2022-07-16T02:34:29","slug":"how-to-take-back-control-when-you-feel-broken","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/how-to-take-back-control-when-you-feel-broken\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Take Back Control When You Feel Broken"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you, right? I\u2019ve been practicing therapy since 2014 and studying psychology since 2009. My experience? Words do<\/em> hurt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The labels we give ourselves have a powerful effect on our identity and self-esteem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stupid<\/em>, ugly<\/em>, worthless<\/em>, unlovable<\/em>, broken \u2014 <\/em>these words carry weight. If we label ourselves as broken, our actions align to support how we think \u2014 we tell ourselves we\u2019re broken, we self-sabotage and act broken, then we become<\/em> broken.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us are caught in this self-loathing cycle. But before we can break out of it, we have to understand how it happens. Here’s how to take back control when you feel broken.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022\u2022\u2022<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How We Give Toxic Language Power<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

\u201cChoose not to be harmed \u2014 and you won\u2019t feel harmed. Don\u2019t feel harmed \u2014 and you haven\u2019t been.\u201d <\/p>\u2014 Marcus Aurelius<\/em><\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s in a name? Labels only have as much power as we give them. But we tend to give them a lot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you never knew what someone said about you, would it affect you? What if they said you were a terrible person, stupid, or ugly?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It wouldn\u2019t harm you unless you found out about it and chose <\/em>to give it power.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We<\/em> give words power; words themselves are just made up letters and sounds we string together \u2014 they have no inherent meaning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So how do we give words power?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a three-part process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Accept<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

First, we have to accept their words. If you never found out someone said negative things about you, you can\u2019t accept them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But let\u2019s say you do<\/em> find out. What then? Don\u2019t you have<\/em> to accept their words?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nope.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re at a bar and someone sends you a drink you don\u2019t want, do you take it anyway or send it back? You are under no obligation to accept things you don\u2019t want, which includes toxic words people speak to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just write: \u201cReturn to Sender\u201d on that package of dog turds that arrived in your mailbox \u2014 don\u2019t open that shit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Internalize<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

If you accept someone\u2019s words but don\u2019t internalize them, they fade out of your mind like an echo. Internalizing words gives them staying power. You have to actively clear up mental space for the words to set up shop in your mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you have company over and they become belligerent, do you let them keep wreaking havoc, or do you tell them to GTFO?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just because you accept something doesn\u2019t mean you have to keep it around once it\u2019s worn out its welcome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perpetuate<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Even if you let someone into your home and don\u2019t kick them out for being belligerent, you don\u2019t have to keep inviting them back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Toxic words are heavy, so carrying them around all day weighs us down \u2014 it\u2019s exhausting. Constantly rehashing people\u2019s toxic words or revisiting painful memories that cause you to feel depressed is the same as continuing to invite toxic people over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are under no obligation to invite toxic people back into your house, your life, or your mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022\u2022\u2022<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mangy Cats and Your Mental Health<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Many of us have been holding onto the toxic things other people have said to us for so long, we treat them like they\u2019re our own words.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s like if a friend gave you a mangy flea-covered feral cat that bites you, scratches up and pisses on everything in your house, and utterly terrorizes everything around it, but you refuse to get rid of it because it\u2019s become \u201cyour\u201d cat. Channel your inner Elsa and let it go<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe your parents told you you\u2019re worthless or will never amount to anything.You don\u2019t have to accept, internalize, or perpetuate those words to yourself. Let them<\/em> be toxic people; you don\u2019t have to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe your \u201cfriends\u201d say snide comments and make you feel like an inconvenience. You don\u2019t have to carry around the belief that you\u2019re an inconvenience to the world. That can lead to depression, low self-esteem, and a host of other psychological issues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe an ex cheated on you, gaslighted<\/a> you, or did some other heinous shit to you. You don\u2019t have to label yourself broken, worthless, or deserving to be treated like garbage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are people out there who will <\/em>appreciate you; you just have to find them. Don\u2019t let toxic people poison your mind or identity \u2014 practice self-compassion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022\u2022\u2022<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Key Takeaways<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

You can\u2019t control the toxic language you grew up around. You can\u2019t control all the negative experiences you\u2019ve been through. You can\u2019t control whether people are nice or shitty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But you can control your thoughts, how you talk to yourself, and what you do moving forward. You can practice better self-talk. You can learn ways to cope with stress<\/a>. You can go to therapy to work through mental baggage. You can heal. You can grow.<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I see people do it every day<\/mark>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can, too.<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022\u2022\u2022<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P.S.<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

This is Part 1 of a series on understanding how the language we use affects us. If you\u2019re interested, check out Part 2:\u00a0The Subtle Way Language Hijacks Our Perceptions<\/a> and Part 3: 7 Positive Self-Labels for an Empowered Mindset<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you, right? I\u2019ve been practicing therapy since 2014 and studying psychology since 2009. My experience? Words do hurt. The labels we give ourselves have a powerful effect on our identity and self-esteem. Stupid, ugly, worthless, unlovable, broken \u2014 these words carry weight. If we label ourselves as broken, our actions […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":230798,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","ub_ctt_via":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"default","ast-site-content-layout":"","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"disabled","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[46,36],"featured_image_src":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/fares-hamouche-Xe9vkCD7_5g-unsplash-scaled-e1612741452557.jpg","author_info":{"display_name":"Corey","author_link":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/author\/corey\/"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/fares-hamouche-Xe9vkCD7_5g-unsplash-scaled-e1612741452557.jpg",900,600,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/fares-hamouche-Xe9vkCD7_5g-unsplash-150x150.jpg",150,150,true],"medium":["https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/fares-hamouche-Xe9vkCD7_5g-unsplash-300x200.jpg",300,200,true],"medium_large":["https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/fares-hamouche-Xe9vkCD7_5g-unsplash-768x512.jpg",768,512,true],"large":["https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/fares-hamouche-Xe9vkCD7_5g-unsplash-1024x683.jpg",1024,683,true],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/fares-hamouche-Xe9vkCD7_5g-unsplash-1536x1024.jpg",1536,1024,true],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/fares-hamouche-Xe9vkCD7_5g-unsplash-2048x1365.jpg",2048,1365,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Corey","author_link":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/author\/corey\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you, right? I\u2019ve been practicing therapy since 2014 and studying psychology since 2009. My experience? Words do hurt. The labels we give ourselves have a powerful effect on our identity and self-esteem. Stupid, ugly, worthless, unlovable, broken \u2014 these words carry weight. If we label ourselves as broken, our actions…","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/230554"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=230554"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/230554\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":232607,"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/230554\/revisions\/232607"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/230798"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=230554"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=230554"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=230554"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}