{"id":230506,"date":"2020-12-28T19:33:25","date_gmt":"2020-12-29T00:33:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/?p=230506"},"modified":"2022-07-15T22:51:24","modified_gmt":"2022-07-16T02:51:24","slug":"if-you-want-to-be-effective-be-authentic-lessons-learned-carving-a-niche-as-a-psychologist-and-coach","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/if-you-want-to-be-effective-be-authentic-lessons-learned-carving-a-niche-as-a-psychologist-and-coach\/","title":{"rendered":"If You Want To Be Effective, Be Authentic: Lessons Learned Carving A Niche As A Psychologist And Coach"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

\u201cTake your tongue ring out, even if it\u2019s a phone interview!\u201d my supervisor barked at me as I prepared for an internship interview.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was the last hurdle to obtain my doctorate in clinical psychology. The last 10-ish years of my college career hinged on getting \u2014 and finishing \u2014 an internship. No internship = no degree, and a bunch of student loan debt without a way to pay it off. There was immense pressure to dress, act, and talk a certain way to impress the internship committees\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, of course, I kept my tongue ring in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let me preface this article by saying I\u2019m oppositional. Maybe it\u2019s a remnant of adolescence. I\u2019m open to constructive feedback, but I hate being micromanaged. I like to analyze situations and come up with efficient solutions, so inefficiency is infuriating. If I\u2019m forced to confine my personality and be fake, I mentally check out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These traits are why I\u2019m a terrible employee.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They\u2019re also why I thrive as a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Executive Coach. Here are some lessons I’ve learned carving a niche working with rebels.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022\u2022\u2022<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being vs. Becoming<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Being <\/em>a psychologist is liberating; becoming <\/em>one is confining. You spend years learning to diagnose specific disorders, treat them with specific interventions, and conduct therapy in specific ways. It\u2019s a good foundation, but foundations are meant to be built upon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you\u2019re going through school and becoming<\/em> a professional, it\u2019s easy to get caught up in the idea that the way you learned things is true all the time \u2014 that the world can be so easily fit into the simple boxes you learned in class examples.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the immortal words of Admiral Ackbar, \u201cIt\u2019s a trap!\u201d<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anything you go over in class is an oversimplified version of the real world, but it\u2019s supposed to be so you can learn in a safe environment. But don\u2019t mistake an example for reality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Part of becoming a psychologist involves having a supervisor. You write your notes how they tell you, you dress how they tell you, and you do therapy how they tell you. There\u2019s not a lot of room for individuality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dress this way. Talk this way. Behave this way.<\/em> Why not just build a robot or an algorithm? We\u2019re technologically advanced enough to develop a software program\u2014 insert your goals, and it\u2019ll spit out strategies<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because that\u2019s not what therapy or coaching is about. You have to like<\/em> the person for the relationship to be effective. According to Common Factors Theory<\/a>, the relationship is the key component to effective change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The caricature of a soft-spoken therapist sitting in a turtle neck or polo and khakis saying, \u201cHow does that make you feel?\u201d is painfully accurate for many psychologists. This isn\u2019t necessarily bad, but if you don\u2019t fit this image (or whatever the gold-standard aesthetic is for your industry), it\u2019s easy to feel pressured to change who you are. But rebels resist, right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022\u2022\u2022<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Authenticity and Professionalism Aren\u2019t Mutually Exclusive<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThere is no one alive who is Youer than You.\u201d <\/p>\u2014 Dr. Seuss<\/em><\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I once had a supervisor tell me, \u201cUntil you get your doctorate, no one cares about your opinion.\u201d Well, I\u2019ve earned my doctorate, so here\u2019s my opinion: being authentic and being professional aren\u2019t mutually exclusive<\/strong><\/mark>. Y<\/mark>ou can be both. Even if the \u201cauthentic\u201d you uses profanity, is covered in tattoos, and is blunt and sarcastic \u2014 because that\u2019s me, and I\u2019m damn good at my job.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In fact, I\u2019m better at my job because<\/em> of those things<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being professional is about one thing: accomplishing your goal. In any professional situation, ask yourself, \u201cWhat is my goal here?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a psychologist, my primary goal with clients is to build rapport so they feel comfortable enough to engage in therapy or coaching.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are a few examples of how I\u2019ve built rapport in unorthodox ways:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Saying It \u201cThe Doctor\u201d Way<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I was leading an addiction recovery group, and we were discussing Brene Brown<\/a>\u2019s concept of shame vs. guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe feel guilt for what we\u2019ve done.<\/em><\/mark> We feel shame for who we think we are<\/em><\/mark>. Do you see the difference?\u201d<\/mark> I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Silence<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s like the difference between fucking up and being a fuck up. Everybody fucks up, but that doesn\u2019t make you a fuck up for life.\u201d<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

One group member goes, \u201cOh! Ok. You said it the doctor way; then you said it our way. Now it makes sense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Had I kept up a rigid \u201cprofessional\u201d facade, I wouldn\u2019t have gotten my point across to the group. Cussing bridged the gap and simplified the concept enough to get the message across.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

IDGAF How You Feel<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I had an angry teenager walk into my office after getting in trouble at school. His parents were making him come to therapy. He didn\u2019t want to be there. He complained about how other therapists had lectured him about his behavior and how he should talk about his feelings more. So that approach clearly wasn\u2019t effective for him, despite what the textbooks say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m so tired of people asking me how I feel!\u201d he growled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGood. Because I don\u2019t give a fuck how you feel.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cReally?\u201d he said, furrowing his brow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYup. I don\u2019t care how you feel. I care about what you\u2019re going to do<\/em> to manage your anger. What\u2019s your plan to cope better?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From that point, we developed an action plan that helped him manage his anger productively, instead of punching his classmates.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are two primary ways of coping: emotion-focused and solution-focuse<\/mark>d. Since the emotion-focused route didn\u2019t work with his previous therapists, we went with the other route \u2014 which did. As a professional, my goal was to build rapport and tailor an intervention to the client, and that\u2019s exactly what I did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022\u2022\u2022<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Carving Your Niche<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Would my approach be as effective if I worked at a faith-based mental health center? I\u2019d most likely get fired pretty quickly, if I got hired at all. Am I as effective with clients who value propriety or look down on long-haired, bearded guys with tattoo sleeves who mostly wear black shirts and dark blue jeans? Nope. Those aren\u2019t my niches.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My niches include people who hate the status quo of traditional therapists, don\u2019t like authority figures, don\u2019t want to be lectured, and who are generally rebellious and oppositional (kind of like me)<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A had a mentor explain to me what great comedians have in common. They use a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down. Meaning, they make you laugh to lower your guard, hit you with a truth, then sandwich in another joke to keep your guard down. That way, later that night, you\u2019ll be driving home and think about the truth of their words. If a comedian came out and lectured you about the atrocities of the world, your walls would go up, and you\u2019d shut down. If they only told superficial funny jokes, you wouldn\u2019t walk away a better person. But truly great comedians bridge this gap \u2014 using humor as a catalyst for transformation. Take Dave Chappelle, for example<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is my approach to therapy and coaching. I make you laugh, I cuss, I\u2019m sarcastic, and I look<\/em> like someone who flouts societal expectations of a professional. I use my appearance and demeanor as a beacon to attract people who otherwise would never do therapy or coaching, lower their defenses, and then empower them to revolutionize their lives. I don\u2019t look like a typical professional, but I take my work seriously.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But you have to align yourself with your niche; a mismatch causes you to be ineffective.<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022\u2022\u2022<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Finding Your Tribe<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

If your presence inspires others to embrace their own authenticity, you\u2019ll attract a community of growth-oriented people or your 1,000 True Fans<\/em><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be the change<\/em>, as Gandhi said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People don\u2019t flock to Tom Bilyeu because he founded the billion-dollar company Quest Nutrition; they love him because of his unabashed authenticity<\/a> that led him to create Impact Theory \u2014 a company designed to help people develop an empowering mindset.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Theodore Roosevelt. Brene Brown. Gary Vaynerchuk. Dennis Rodman. Anthony Bourdain. Think of anyone who inspires you. Are they average? No. They’re rebels. There\u2019s something that makes them a unique badass, and they embrace it. They\u2019re not fake or overly filtered. We connect with authenticity, not perfection.<\/strong><\/mark> Just these five people have inspired millions to improve their lives because of the authentic connection<\/em> they made with people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You get one life<\/a>; why waste it pretending to be something you\u2019re not?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022\u2022\u2022<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Final Thoughts<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

I officially give you permission to be yourself. You <\/em>are your greatest asset \u2014 not your degree, not your expertise, not your family history. You. Your professional effectiveness \u2014 and personal wellbeing \u2014 depend on finding ways to combine your unique personality and abilities authentically<\/em>. Succumbing to a life of inauthenticity is a surefire path to lifelong misery.<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t be average. Be a rebel. Be your badass self. The rest will sort itself out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cTake your tongue ring out, even if it\u2019s a phone interview!\u201d my supervisor barked at me as I prepared for an internship interview. It was the last hurdle to obtain my doctorate in clinical psychology. The last 10-ish years of my college career hinged on getting \u2014 and finishing \u2014 an internship. No internship = […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":230760,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","ub_ctt_via":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"default","ast-site-content-layout":"","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"disabled","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[44],"featured_image_src":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/bantersnaps-pzOUnvx9c1E-unsplashedited-scaled-e1612738631689.jpg","author_info":{"display_name":"Corey","author_link":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/author\/corey\/"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/bantersnaps-pzOUnvx9c1E-unsplashedited-scaled-e1612738631689.jpg",305,400,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/bantersnaps-pzOUnvx9c1E-unsplashedited-150x150.jpg",150,150,true],"medium":["https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/bantersnaps-pzOUnvx9c1E-unsplashedited-228x300.jpg",228,300,true],"medium_large":["https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/bantersnaps-pzOUnvx9c1E-unsplashedited-768x1009.jpg",768,1009,true],"large":["https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/bantersnaps-pzOUnvx9c1E-unsplashedited-779x1024.jpg",779,1024,true],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/bantersnaps-pzOUnvx9c1E-unsplashedited-1169x1536.jpg",1169,1536,true],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/bantersnaps-pzOUnvx9c1E-unsplashedited-1559x2048.jpg",1559,2048,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Corey","author_link":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/author\/corey\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"\u201cTake your tongue ring out, even if it\u2019s a phone interview!\u201d my supervisor barked at me as I prepared for an internship interview. It was the last hurdle to obtain my doctorate in clinical psychology. The last 10-ish years of my college career hinged on getting \u2014 and finishing \u2014 an internship. No internship =…","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/230506"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=230506"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/230506\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":232620,"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/230506\/revisions\/232620"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/230760"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=230506"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=230506"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coreywilkspsyd.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=230506"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}