This is one of my favorite quotes when it comes to overcoming self-doubt:
When you’re a creator or entrepreneur, you’re constantly putting yourself and your ideas out into the world for everyone to see, celebrate, and criticize.
These doubts typically manifest in questions like:
- “What if people judge me?”
- “What if I mess up in public?”
- “What will my friends and family think?”
But here’s the thing…
The people who criticize you aren’t in your corner.
And the people who are in your corner won’t try to tear you down.
I’ve been in the “public eye” for years now, and every single time I’ve ever gotten hate in the comments and I click on their profile, here’s what I see:
- They’ve never created anything
- They’re typically anonymous
- They’re miserable and spend their time (their most precious, finite resource) finding people to tear down because they’re secretly envious
Because here’s why:
People who are actively putting themselves and their ideas out into the world to make it a better place are too busy doing incredible things to sit around complaining or trying to find someone to tear down.
Story Time
A few years ago, I got invited to be on the Modern Wisdom podcast with Chris Williamson. It was the first “major” podcast I’d been on with someone who’s deeply curious, insightful, and no-bullshit. It was surreal to be on it, and I’m forever grateful to Chris for giving me the opportunity. I was so excited afterward, I immediately started to check the comments to see what people thought.
This was my first real foray into public criticism.
The takeaway was clear: I’m unprofessional and have nothing valuable to say.
Isn’t this what so many of us are afraid of when we think about putting ourselves and our ideas out into the world—that we’ll somehow say the wrong thing or realize we don’t have anything worth sharing, that someone else has already said it (and said it better than we ever could)?
Then there were the few attacks on my appearance (which is rarer for guys). This is probably my favorite one (along with a side-by-side comparison):
Joke’s on them. Karl Urban is a sexy dude, so it’s not the diss they think it is.
I could’ve let these critics pressure me into shrinking back to my little corner of the internet (or leaving it entirely). When you put yourself out there, it feels vulnerable—so any attack on you feels 10X more personal. And critics have a knack for finding your secret insecurities and twisting the knife into them.
But if you let critics pressure you into giving up and embracing a life of mediocrity and envy (like they live in), they win.
Yes, these critics hated my message. But my message wasn’t for them. And although the negative comments stuck out at first, they ended up being the minority.
And you never know who is listening, watching, waiting for your message.
I got both of these messages the same day…
This one from an anonymous YouTube account who hadn’t made any content of their own:
And this one from an editor at Psychology Today:
So while a nobody told me I’d lost credibility because I say “fuck,” an editor of Psychology Today thought I had enough credibility and value to give that he offered me my own blog for one of the most popular psychology publications in the world. And since then, my blog (Human Flourishing 101: How to Get the Most Out of Life and Work) has reached hundreds of thousands of people all over the world.
Just because someone criticizes you or tries to tear you down, doesn’t mean what you have to share isn’t life-changing for someone else. If you believe what you have to share is worth sharing, do it. You never know where it could lead.
Lesson Learned
You’ll never please your critics, because their soul job is to find things to tear apart. And the more you focus on pleasing them, the further away you’ll get from doing the work only you can do and serving the people who matter.
“What if people judge me?” Fuck’em. They’re not in your corner. The people who matter will support you.
“What if I mess up in public?” You’re guaranteed to mess up. Success is built on the foundation of multiple failures and attempts—anyone who’s ever achieved anything knows this and will support you.
“What will my friends and family think?” If they’re supportive, cool. If not, oh well. They’re not the ones you’re trying to help (most likely). They can either get on board or get out of the way. Why are you so wrapped up in getting validation from others instead of trusting yourself and doing the work you know you’re meant to do?
Trust yourself and put your ideas out there.
Yes, you’ll attract some haters.
But you’ll also attract way more people who matter, who support you, who inspire you, and you’ll attract legitimately life-changing opportunities most people spend their entire lives daydreaming about.
Criticism is the price of admission to greatness.
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